- Parts Work
- United States
Free 20 min video chat to connect and see if we're a match
Parts Work, Self-Abandonment, Rejection, Shame, Self-Expression, Life Purpose and Desire Discovery
Freedom, truth, soul-connection and creating flow are my calling. Why? Because I have felt caged and trapped within my body and my mind my whole life, unable to be myself.
I felt I needed to look good and present well. I believed the top value was given to beauty and popularity so I made sure to present well. I became a “good” person, a “nice” person, a person who kept her opinions to herself and therefor was pleasing to be around. I dressed appropriately and gave my power to others by focusing on their mood, their wants and their opinions while completely abandoning myself. I didn’t feel seen for me because I was afraid to be me. I thought my safety was dependent on being who everyone else needed me to be. I used to pride myself on being a chameleon, able to instantly assess from your facial cues, energy and tone of voice how you needed me to respond so that you would approve of me enough to not talk bad about me. Can you imagine the terror of speaking to multiple people or giving a presentation and trying to assess and interpret (and then adjust my personality to) every person’s individual liking? It wasn’t feasible to shape shift to different personas at the same time, so how could I meet the needs of an entire room? I believed that even one person not liking me would lead to me being completely rejected, shunned and alone. So I kept quiet and took up as little space as possible.
I thought you needed me to be happy and pleasing so I wore a smile while bulldozing every other emotion I felt. I denied, disowned and rejected my insecurties and fear. The rage of not being able to say what I truly felt had these parts and negative emotions show up in ways I couldn’t control; as acne, digestive problems, weight gain or sickly weight loss. My facade wasn’t working. I couldn’t pretend that my life was going well. My shame was showing up on my body, as my body, for the world to see. I felt something was deeply wrong with me; that I was unlovable at my core. I tried every self-help program I could get my hands on to ‘fix” me. And thanks to a large salary I could buy and attend every program I heard of. The only problem was that I didn’t actually know what was broken so I didn’t know what specifically to fix. Therefor no program, diet, therapist, psychic, business or relationship guru got me the results I wanted. I didn’t realize that trying to fix my imperfections was the least loving thing I could do to myself.
Around others I was deeply suppressing my true self and my feelings, which meant I needed to be alone in order to feel myself again. Being alone seemed to be the only way I could exhale so I created a life of independence, self-sufficiency and isolation. After work, after a party or even after a conversation where I wasn’t being me (which was almost every conversation), I’d come home and numb out on tv, sugar, shopping and alcohol. I’d stuff my feelings to stuff my pain. From chameleon to lone wolf. I wore this new identity just as proudly.
In 2016, I hit a breaking point where I was no longer able to keep up the charade of my life. I could no longer do the job that paid me 6 figures yet left me deeply unfulfilled. I could no longer pretend that my life was a success when I felt such a hole inside. I had to find my authenticity, my voice and my power. I had to do something that made an actual difference in my soul. I needed to find a way to love myself.
I found connection and truth in sharing vulnerably with others who were also in pain. Through 12 step meetings, Teal Swan, parts work and other energy, emotional and consciousness practices I am finding my way back to my true self and uncovering my identity and soul’s expression. I’m getting to know the parts of me that feel shame, that criticize, that gaslight and that polyanna their way through my mind with heavy doses of sugar and hours of tv. I’m building relationships with these parts. I’m listening to them and I’m allowing them to be exactly as they are. Ironically, as I’m allowing these parts to have their vices (security blankets) with understanding and compassion instead of judgement, I’m noticing that I’m numbing out less and being kinder to my body and what I put in it. I’m enjoying a clearer mind and taking accountability for my life by being honest about what my needs are. And I’m questioning everything I’ve been told to be true - from the media, schools, family, society, healthcare and the government. I’m taking my life back.
I’m here to help you get to know every part of yourself and see that you’re not alone in your pain. I’m here to help you drop the weight of having to do it all by yourself and pretend life is going well. I’m here to help you find your truth and your connection within yourself. And I’m here to help you discover your gifts, strengths, confidence and purpose.
My intention is that you will feel safe to take off your mask and exhale—to reveal your imperfections and exhaustion at the impossible uphill batttle of being someone else’s version of success. I hope that you’ll grow to have compassion and curiosity for the parts of you that you’ve been stuffing down and hiding away. It’s suffocating trying to push down sadness, anger, heartbreak and resentment through self-will and addictions. If you feel ready to take the journey home to true connection, peace, security and safety within yourself, then it would be my honor to guide you on your path.
With attention, compassion and curiosity I’ll ask you question after question to reveal the parts of you that are needing to be seen, heard and known. Those parts will lead you to your authentic life. My intuition, sight and high-sensitivity, along with a deep desire to know and understand will draw forth your brilliance which I will reflect back to you amplified. You will leave our sessions feeling seen and loved for exactly who you are. Please note that my attention and energy is penetrating and direct but that it comes with an absolute belief in your deservability to have what you truly want in life.
- $180/session (up to 90min), $1,000/6 sessions